The Parallel Careers of John Hughes and Mike Ditka, 1984-1991

In the 1980's, Chicago boasted two of the most successful personalities in either sports or film: writer/director John Hughes and Bears head coach Mike Ditka. From 1984 to 1991, both were powerhouses in their respective fields and brought national attention to the football fans and upper-middle class families living in and around the Windy City. While the "Monsters of the Midway" were perennial favorites to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, Hughes was winning over critics and teenagers with his quirky, sweet-yet-rebellious coming-of-age comedies.

Both men began their rise to fame in 1982, when Ditka was hired to replaced Neill Armstrong as head coach, and Hughes, a former contributor to National Lampoon magazine, wrote his first screenplay for the magazine's production company titled Class Reunion.

Neither Ditka nor Hughes got off to an auspicious start, although both dramatically improved their skills in 1983, when Ditka's Bears went from 3-6 to 8-8, and Hughes wrote the screenplays for Mr. Mom and National Lampoon's Vacation, both of which went on to become very successful comedies that year.

During the eight-year stretch that followed, their respective highs and lows followed an amazingly similar course. Examples of this career-based synchronicity are detailed below, year-by-year:

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1984
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up."

John Hughes: Sixteen Candles (directorial debut)
Chicago Bears:

• 10-6 (1st, NFC Central; first winning record under Mike Ditka)


• Lose 23-0 to San Francisco in NFC Championship Game

Hughes' first time behind the camera produced a classic teen comedy that was praised by film critics for not treating its characters like one-dimensional sex-crazed caricatures. Ditka's first time in the postseason, however, did not go as well, as the Bears were blanked by the 15-1 juggernaut 49ers. Still, for both men this year was a step up to bigger and better things.

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1985
"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"

John Hughes writes/directs: The Breakfast Club
Chicago Bears:

• 15-1 (1st, NFC Central)


• Win Super Bowl XX, 46-10

This was a triumphant year for Ditka and Hughes, when both men reached the peak of their respective careers.

The Breakfast Club was hailed as, to quote one critic, "a breakthrough portrait of the pain and misunderstanding which result from demeaning social hierarchies set up by teenagers." It became the gold standard by which all future teenage-themed movies would be held.

Meanwhile Ditka's players went on an unholy rampage, scoring an average of 28.5 points per game while only surrendering 12.4 per game (best in the league). Backed by such legends as Walter Payton, Mike Singletary and Richard Dent, Jim McMahon, Willie Gault and William "Refrigerator" Perry steamrolled their way to the Lombardi Trophy, shutting out both opponents in the conference playoffs and allowing just 10 points to the AFC Champion New England Patriots in Super Bowl XX.

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1986
"What's the score?" "Nothin' - nothin'."
"Who's winning?" "...The Bears."

John Hughes writes/directs: Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Chicago Bears:

• 14-2 (1st, NFC Central);


• Lose to Washington in divisional round, 27-13

Neither Hughes nor Ditka showed any signs of slowing down following their success in 1985.

Hughes followed The Breakfast Club with Ferris Bueller's Day Off, a film that is loved and heavily quoted even today, 22 years later. While far less tense dramatically than its predecessor (which principal would you rather face down in a broom closet - Richard Vernon or Ed Rooney?), the film once again reveals a group of teenagers who refuse to let the adults in their society define or contain them.

Ditka, too, refused to let his defending champions rest on their laurels, and it was his players who did the containing. In 1986 the Bears' defense surrendered just 11.7 points per game, lower than their already-stingy 1985 average. Chicago finished 14-2, giving them a 39-9 regular season record since 1984.

Unfortunately for the Bears, their apparent return to the Super Bowl was cut short in the divisional round, when they lost to Joe Gibbs' Redskins (who were no slouches themselves).

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1987
"I've never seen a guy get picked up by his testicles before."

John Hughes writes/directs: Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Chicago Bears:

• 11-4 (1st, NFC Central);


• Lose to Washington in divisional round, 21-17
  

In 1987 Hughes moved the focus away from teenage angst and squarely onto middle-age anxiety with Planes, Trains and Automobiles. The story features Steve Martin as a salesman desperately trying to make it home in time for Thanksgiving but facing a mounting series of travel-related catastrophes, with no help from his gregarious yet unwelcome travel companion, played by John Candy.

Planes was one of Hughes' highest-praised critical successes. The characters worked well together and the story was a skillful combination of slapstick and pathos, with a payoff at the end that will make even the toughest Bears fan get a little choked up. At the same time, critics noticed that the movie succeeded in spite of its obvious flaws.

This same observation could be made about Ditka's Bears in 1987: they were still one of the best teams in a tough conference (remember when that was true about the NFC?), but they didn't look quite as unbeatable as before. The offense under QB Jim McMahon, returning from injuries suffered the previous year, averaged 23.7 points per game, but the defense surrendered a full seven points more per game on average than they had in 1986.

For a second straight time, the Bears' postseason would end at the hands of the Washington Redskins, who would go on to win Super Bowl XXII. No one would say that Ditka was starting to slip just yet, but it was clear that a return to his 1985/86 level of success would be difficult to say the least.

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1988
"College is like high school with ashtrays."

John Hughes writes/directs: She's Having A Baby
Chicago Bears:

• 12-4 (1st, NFC Central);


• Lose 28-3 to San Francisco in NFC Championship Game

For the first time in his young career, John Hughes met with critical and commercial failure. Baby grossed only a third of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and the reviews suggested that Hughes had fallen far short of his capabilities.

Ditka coached his team to yet another successful regular season (thanks to his top-ranked defense), and in the postseason beat the Philadelphia Eagles in the infamous "Fog Bowl" game to advance to his first NFC Championship Game since 1985. However, Chicago fell yet again to the eventual Super Bowl champions, when the 49ers pounded the Bears 28-3. San Francisco's mighty defense exposed an offense that had been mediocre at best all year (averaging less than 20 points per game, 18th in the league).

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1989
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam."

John Hughes writes/directs: Uncle Buck
Chicago Bears:

• 6-10 (4th, NFC Central)


• Miss the playoffs

A dismal year for both Hughes and Ditka. Uncle Buck was panned across the board (although John Candy's performance was singled out for praise). Mike Tomczak struggled under center, and Ditka couldn't rely on his defense, who slipped from 1st overall to 20th in the league. It was the Bears' worst finish since going 3-6 in 1982. By now the reputations of both men as being impervious to failure had begun to wear down.

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1990
"Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen."

John Hughes writes: Home Alone
Chicago Bears:

• 11-5 (1st, NFC Central);


• Lose to New York in divisional round, 31-3

Hughes regained a measure of his success by writing (but not directing) the smash-hit Home Alone. The movie grossed over 285 million dollars in the U.S., which more than made up for its mediocre reception by film critics. (Some praised it as a story about overcoming fears and learning responsibility, whereas others dismissed it as a cartoonish, slapstick piece of holiday fluff. Personally speaking, I think they're both right.)

In 1990 Ditka, too, regained a level of respectability by turning over full-time quarterbacking duties to Jim Harbaugh, retooling the defense, and riding both improvements to an 11-win season. After defeating the New Orleans Saints 16-6, the Bears were (stop me if you've heard this before) defeated by the eventual Super Bowl champions, the New York Giants.

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1991
"All you learn from the art museum is how to keep your mouth shut and how to walk without making squeaky sounds with your shoes."

John Hughes writes/directs: Curly Sue
Chicago Bears:

• 11-5 (2nd, NFC Central);


• Lose to Dallas in wild card round, 17-13

This year was the swan song for both John Hughes as a director and Mike Ditka as a winning coach (and non-punchline at celebrity roasts).

The reviews for Curly Sue were not kind ("Reprehensible from start to finish, and utterly manipulative and mindless to boot."). In fact, the only film critic who seemed to like it was Chicago native Roger Ebert (coincidence?).

Despite finishing 11-5, the Bears finished second in their division, as the Detroit Lions managed to rack up 12 wins and capture the NFC Central. The Bears came out flat against Dallas, scoring only 6 points until a Jim Harbaugh touchdown pass to Tom Waddle came too late in the fourth quarter.

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After 1991, it was a rapid descent for both John Hughes and Mike Ditka. Following Curly Sue's failure at the box office, Hughes never again directed a feature film. In 1992 the Bears went 5-11, missing the playoffs for only the second time in nine seasons. Mike Ditka was fired as head coach and replaced by Mike Dave Wannstadt.

In 1997 Ditka returned to coach the New Orleans Saints, but he was never able to match the level of success he had achieved during his years in Chicago. Meanwhile, Hughes' screenwriting career since 1992 has churned out a baffling chain of stinkers, including Dennis the Menace, Maid In Manhattan and Beethoven. His latest effort is contributing to the screenplay for the upcoming Drillbit Taylor, produced by Judd Apatow, co-written by Seth Rogen and starring Owen Wilson in the title role.

Will this latest effort do for Hughes' career what those Viagra commercials did for Mike Ditka's, or will it do for Hughes' career what... um, those Viagra commercials did for Mike Ditka's?

Either way, I'm done with this topic. Le jeu sont fait.

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John Hughes [IMDb]
Chicago Bears [pro-football-reference.com]

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